Baron Von Awesome

February 2007 - Posts

• Blitzbacker Bop

  Ok. Kam-Kam's got one spot settled in there, after having a great season and making the pick of him over Ngata look pretty smart (Suck it Baltimore!). But 1 is the lonliest number, verdad? Willie is past is prime, not to say that he can't help by, well, being there, but he's no long term or even really short term solution. So, in a post-combine not so special-special, I provide you with a rushbacker for each of the 7 rounds. Not neccasarily a DE, not neccasarily a LB.  1st round: Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson  2nd round: LaMarr Woodley, DE, Michigan  3rd round: Prescott Burgess, LB, Michigan 4th round: Antwan Barnes, LB/DE, Florida International 5th round: Tim Shaw, LB/DE Penn St.  6th round: Brian Smith, LB Missouri 7th round: Jacob Ford, DE, Central Arkansas Okay, short and bitter, so it's onto the beaded doorway. Subject today: Pigs. Specifically how many things pigs can be.In the past 3 days, I've been able to draw with my absoulutely non-existent drawing skills, a pig Hitler, a pig cowboy, and a pig/snake/cow pirate named Captain Snowg. He was a lot like Captain Jack Sparrow, except without the acting talent, eye shadow, and blatent homosexuality. Seriously, you can draw a pig anything. Try it. So to the two people who actually read this and haven't dropped down from crappy writing-induced heart failure, draw a pig something and post it as a comment, or if you're lazy like me, find a picture of a pig online. Winner gets absolutely nothing. Why you ask? Because I'm bored. Boredly yours, BaronVonAwesome    Posted Feb 27 2007, 04:47 PM by baronvonawesome with no comments Filed under: Humor...hopefully, Browns, Draft

• The Death of Not So St. Millen?

  Matt Millen.The Hitler of Detroit. It's become such an automatic opinion that pops into your head."He ruined that team". Well yes, he did. But if you stopped to think for a second, he's learning, and maybe what he did in the first place wasn't exactly so bad. I might be the only one who thinks this, but I don't see many people who have seriously considered the possibility.  What were his 3 WR picks, which he was so criticized for? A talented player who turned out to be a mental case, no fault of Millen, in Charles Rogers. A Pro Bowler, in Roy Williams. And a misused big guy in Mike Williams, who has work ethic issues. Jon Kitna, recently signed, was a good signing and gives them a stable, if not overly amazing, prescense at QB. Ernie Sims, the most recent 1st round pick of Millen. He somehow snatched Jonathon Scott in the 5th round, who is now a promising starter at RT. When Daniel Bullocks gets a chance, he may be a stud. This isn't a team that's going to take advantage of it's talent. Their coaches haven't been able to take advantage, but Marinelli has developed the most recent batch of draft picks into a promising bunch. They got some nice talent, but they seem to have a few key areas that they need to adress before they can make that jump. If Millen can address those needs, this could be a team that surprises a lot of people. I'd say 8-8 is a possiblilty for them next year, and I have them as one of my break-out teams.   So I say to you Lions fans: Give Millen another chance. Stability is one of the most useful things a franchise can have, and Millen finally seems to be catching on. Just wait. 1 or 2 years. This is a Browns fan talking. It's not like I haven't had to deal with droughts of suck. Switching gears, I said 3 more positions of draft ranks, so here ya go: DE: Strong at the top but the depth dies down. Adam Carriker is a nice underrated prospect. Best option: Gaines Adams, Clemson Best 2nd-3rd option: Adam Carriker, Nebraska Best 2nd day option: Mkristo Bruce, Washington St. OLB:  Some great depth, but no clear cut top prospect. Best option: Paul Posluszny, Penn St. Best 2nd-3rd option: Rufus Alexander, Oklahoma Best 2nd day option: Tim Shaw, Penn St. CB: A lot of depth, but again, no clear cut guy at the top Best option: Darrelle Revis, Pittsburgh Best 2nd-3rd option: DeAndre Jackson, Iowa St. Best 2nd day option: Alan Ball, Illinois The Beaded Doorway begins...not now....NOW. Today's topic: Shoes. My question, why do shoe companies always do stupid commercials. Like the new...heck I don't even know what. It showed a basketball team losing on a last second shot and played music which I think was from the movie Amadaeus. It's not effective advertising. Why you ask? Because never once except for a small unreadable website at the end, did it actually say what the company was. Am I just supposed to take a wild guess? Stupid car commercials are rubbing their suck onto others. At least the LeBrons are slightly hilarious.  Ugh, sorry, not the greatest doorway ever, I'm tired. Glad the Browns are #3 with 7 bullets, BaronVonAwesome    Posted Feb 23 2007, 06:28 PM by baronvonawesome with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Humor...hopefully, Football, Lions

• Where Is The Love?

  I apologize for the lack of posts these last few days, I had one written up, but there was an error with posting it and I lost it, so instead of re-typing it, here's a fresh new one straight of the presses of Awesome. I will use this post to express my distaste at media and who I would cover if I were ESPN. Stories of TO, Barry Bonds, and the NBA thug of the week (Insert Melo, Steven Jackson, Kobe) at your choice. Why not give some air time to the people who don't complain, don't whine, and don't commit crimes. Less TO and more Warrick Dunn. I'd enjoy hearing about people who are helping their respective sports, not whiners who "try to commit suicide". So, I provide you with a two things from the last few days that go unnoticed in the miasma of sports media. Indianapolis QB Peyton Manning agreed to restructure his contract, allowing his bonus to be spread of 4 years, savign 8 million in cap room for the Colts. Not exactly a big sacrifice, but a lot of other players could make that same decision but choose not to. NASCAR Driver Mark Martin. I don't follow NASCAR, but the Daytona 500 had a great finish. For anyone who didn't see, going into the final stretch two racers, Kevin Harvick and Mark Martin, were very close, with Martin slightly leading. A crash happened behind them, and NASCAR rules state that a caution flag should be in effect, meaning Martin would be the winner. However, they just kept racing and Harvick ended up winning. Martin, who has apparantly wanted a Daytona 500 win all his life, graciously accepted defeat and asked that people leave what happened alone, and that he was glad for Harvick. This...just wow, to be chasing a dream, have it snatched away and accept it like he did and do it so graciously, that is a great man. Switching gears here, time to talk draft. I've already talked about the Browns draft a good bit, but not prospects in general. Here's a quick run-down of the first 3 positions that popped into my head. 3 more will come in the next post QB: Honestly a weak position, I think the best QB in this draft is actually John Beck from BYU, but he probably won't get a chance. Best Option: Brady Quinn, Notre Dame Best 2nd-3rd round Option: John Beck, BYU Best 2nd Day Option: Drew Tate, Iowa RB: Some nice depth at this position, not overwhelming, but a solid crop of RBs this year Best Option: Adrian Peterson, Oklahoma Best 2nd-3rd round option: Kenny Irons, Auburn Best 2nd day option: Germaine Race, Pittsburg St. WR: Absolutely insane. All those Junior declarations make this an unbelievably deep position Best Option: Calvin Johnson, Georgia Tech Best 2nd-3rd option: Anthony Gonzalez, Ohio State Best 2nd Day option: Ryne Robinson, Miami (OH)   There, I've hounded you with info you already know. Onto the beaded doorway. The story of Herzegovina will remain unfinished to to lack of clue and that it adds to the mystery. Today's subject: Animals. Obviously Mooses and Meese (Different things, believe it or don't), are on the top, but what is the worst animal? Obviously, the answer is the stick bug. Why are there bugs shaped like sticks? Let's say there's a nice little boy named Johnny Corduroy. Little Johnny Corduroy is innocently looking for a stick to poke his old neighbor with, when he accidentaly comes upon a stick bug. This completely irreprehensible boy is scarred for life. He becomes a crack addict. Any animal that will do that is pure evil.   That's about all I have to say. Awesomely yours, Baron Von Awesome. Posted Feb 21 2007, 07:51 PM by baronvonawesome with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Humor...hopefully, Football

• Brady Quinn Is Not My Lover

  I'm here to tell you an inconvenient truth. To anyone who thinks the Browns should select Brady Quinn: I salute you for the courage to admit it, but I'm afraid you are a commie. That's right. Anyone who wants Brady Quinn hates freedom. There. I said it.     Kidding, of course, don't hate me. Anymore than you do now at least. But honestly, Quinn is not what this team needs. I got on subject on what the Browns needed in my last post, which was offensive line. Joe Thomas looks like a major stud, a guy who really is a very consistent player, which is really what the Browns need. How many times have we seen a player do unbelievable, surprising, wonderful one week and look believable, expected, and crapful the next week. Case in point: Kelly Butler. First start against KC probably brought a wow to more than a few people's mouths. Droughns wasn't exactly running all over them, but he was getting the holes and Anderson was well protected for most of the game.     For the rest of the season, Butler was mediocre at best. This isn't something that can be a mainstay if a team is ever going to do well. The Cardinals, for example, have all those pieces in place, all that talent, but a horrible offensive line. As a result, 5-11. The offensive line needs to be improved. Do we even have a left guard? Our best player is someone who isn't even in his best position (Shaffer). The Browns aren't going to get on the road to recovery unless we get a rock to stick at the left tackle spot, that people try to move but end up straining their whatever muscle is in the arm (Bicep? Is it possible to strain a bicep? What about a tricep? What is a tricep? What do you call 3 midgets with a banana phone?). Joe Thomas could be that rock that hurts people. Hopefully Steelers players.     I don't exactly hate Brady Quinn, but when you've got 2 guys who could be franchise QBs, you don't need to bring in a 3rd guy, especially one with all the question marks Quinn has. I do think Quinn will be the best QB in this draft, but I just think the Browns have so many problems that it will only set them backward to pass on some of these guys they could get. Thomas, Peterson, if there's any way he may fall, Calvin Johnson. These are guys at positions we really could use help at. These are the studs of the draft, the guys that will be talked about for years and years. Quinn is Mark Brunell. He's not going to be bad, but he's not gonna be the guy you build the franchise around.      I don't want the Browns to get Mark Brunell. I'd rather they get Terrell Owens menos el head case, Larry Johnson, or a really good offensive rock.       It seems like I've gotten too serious. I don't want to pull a Green Day and have my newer stuff to suck. So I'll take this time to muse on the subjects of life, religion, and Dilbert. I could call this Baron Von Awesome's corner, but that's rather stupid, because corners aren't very popular.You have to sit in them in grade school when you talk to much, and, well, they hurt unless they're padded. So I'll have to call this, the beaded doorway, because those things are awesome.       So on to the beaded doorway of Awesome. I'd like to discuss one of my favorite subjects. Scrolling through a history book, I saw a wonderful story. It's about a wonderful country, with a frickin hilarious name. Herzegovina. I have no idea why, but that's hilarious. They export wood products and shirts made in Taiwan. I think Dilbert is the president. It used to be part of the Ottoman Empire, I think. Which oddly was not ruled by a guy named Otto.     I could continue, but I just had to push a car through a snow drift into a driveway, and I'm cold. I'm gonna go stick my feet into a fire. BaronVonAwesome OUT!  * As always, feel free to comment. Even, or rather especially, if you, for some reason, like Brady Quinn to the Browns.   Posted Feb 13 2007, 05:56 PM by baronvonawesome with 8 comment(s) Filed under: Humor...hopefully, Browns

• Burn This City

  I am of the humble opinion, that if anyone went to the city of Pittsburgh (more commonly known as Pukesburgh), and lit a match, the entire city would burst into flames. Seriously. All that pollution in the air, it'd be like a firey and hilarious domino effect from flammable gas to flammable gas. I would love to see this happen. Why not? It'd be like killing Hitler. We have to do it before they do it themselves. Of course we'd evacuate all the unfortunate Browns fans living in Pittsburgh first.  On to business.You know me. Well actually you don't, but for the sake of this let's say you do.You know I'm a Steelers hater. So please don't take offense to this, because it horribly pains me to say the following.  A) The way the Steelers draft is something the Browns should learn from.  Look what they've done. Let's go down the line (literally):  Left Tackle: Marvel Smith - 2nd round, 7th pick, by the Steelers  Left Guard: Alan Faneca - 1st round, 26th pick, by the Steelers  Right Guard: Kendall Simmons - 1st round, 30th pick, by the Steelers  Right Tackle: Max Starks - 3rd round, 12th pick, by the Steelers  Sensing a theme? Out of the 5 starters, 4 were drafted by the Steelers. That's punto numero uno. If you want solid, top quality lineman, DRAFT THEM. Don't trade, don't sign, you should draft them. Good offensive lineman are nearly impossible to find and even harder to actually get on the open market. Adding on to that is punto numero dos. All 4 of those starters were drafted 1st day, 2 in the first round. Point #2 is DRAFT THEM EARLY. Don't try to find a diamond in the rough later in the draft, grab them in the first or 2nd round. You're a lot more likely to find a quality starter or even pro bowler earlier in the draft. There will alway, of course, be exceptions, but in general, draft them early.  By the way, there is one missing, the center position is kind of wacky for them right now, I don't even think they know who the starter is, the dummies. B) Pittsburgh sucks  C) I would not mind seeing Bill Cowher coach the Browns. I know, it would hurt when it first started, but the pain would recede and we'd be left with a pretty darn good coach who runs the same defensive system we do. I really think it would work. Aside from the fact that he looks like a man who could jump out of the TV and start stabbing you, he's a plain and simple EFFECTIVE coach. And most of all, proven. D) Pittsburgh still sucks Ok, there, the pain is over. I hope I never have to do that again. Now someone go to Pittsburgh and strike a match, would ya'? Pittsburgh will always suck, Baron Von Awesome * Again, feel free to comment   Posted Feb 09 2007, 04:10 PM by baronvonawesome with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Humor...hopefully, Browns

• The Origin of a Species

  I really have no idea what to write about for this first post, but I've got not problem with winging it. Since this is my first post and I'm really just trying this out, I decided to post about some random thing that I thought about just now. Chances are it'll change to other subjects, such as how much turtlenecks suck, and how Dilbert should be the next president.      But for now I feel obligated to clean up a certain mess. It has come to my attention (translated: I made it up), that Artbtz is kind of known as this site's equivalent of God. Now I can't stand by and let this misconception live on. At best, he his God's younger brother Steve. Steve is a tough luck guy who doesn't know which way's up. His parents always loved God better, God always got the hot angel babes, and God was better at sports and more popular. He hated living in God's shadow, so he took over a nut-job named L. Ron Hubbard and founded Scientology, which worships hooded sweatshirts and lesser known characters from Star Trek. Of course, Steve's religion is failing and has gotten to the point where they'll accept bad actors like Tom Cruise as their Messiah. That's Artbtz. Except Steve isn't bald.     This scandal, in my mind, is second only to the lies of the "Coke Zero" ad agency, who's fork-tongued executives blatantly lied to the public about the number of calories contained in Coke Zero. In fact, it contains .3 to .5 calories per 3.4 fl. oz. (Thank you wikipedia), meaning a whopping 3 calories per 20 fl. oz. I for one will not stand for this. That 3 calories isn't going to come off by itself. It's all a scam with the makers of BoFlex to get you to burn off those surprise calories.     I hope all of you realize what a terrible mistake you have made about Artbtz, and it is not too late to atone.     With that, BaronVonAwesome ends his first post in his mighty blog. I know it's short, sue me.   *Note: In no way was this post intended to offend the Coke ad agency.I'm sure they and their families are perfectly fine, normal people despite the fact that they are black-hearted monsters.   **Double-Asterisked Note: Thank you to the 3 people who read this.   ***Triple-Asterisked Note: Feel free to comment on how bad this is.           Posted Feb 06 2007, 03:08 PM by baronvonawesome with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Humor...hopefully