Baron Von Awesome

The Baron's Live Draft Blog

2007-04-28T04:55:06Z

11:02 AM: Hello, my name is BaronVonAwesome and I'm a Leo. I enjoy long walks on the beach and picking Joe Thomas or Adrian Peterson. I don't like over-sensitive people or picking a QB who's name isn't John Beck. I would enjoy a big screen TV or Calvin Johnson, but I don't know if it's affordable. Later, I like watching movies and John Beck or Antonio Pittman. More than anything, I hate crappy TV announcers and trading up to get Jamarcus Russell.

Welcome to my Live Draft Blog. Stay tuned as I make fun, and insult the intelligence of trained proffesionals with my untrained amateural mind. And hopefully the people who read this will be pleased. I'll do my best to make both of them happy.

See you around 11:45

11:42 AM: I'm killing time watching Berman and Mortenson and Young pretend like they aren't totally freaked out by Mel Kiper's hair.

How much is Steve Young pimping QB's? His sleeper is Trent Edwards. He says Raiders should definitely take Russell, Browns definitely Quinn. He's said about 5 different people are the best QB in the draft.

Side note: I have NOT driven a Ford lately, stop asking.

11:47 AM: The draft phrase "Go Deep" is un-not-ineffective. It sounds too much like the phrase from the movie Dodgeball, "Go Balls Deep".

Mel Kiper scares me.

11:51 AM: I respect Roger Goodell greatly, very good thing to bring in 1st round stars from Va Tech in respect for the tragedy.

12:00 PM: Raiduhs are on the clock. JaMarcus Russell, or Trade Down? Hopefully not to the Browns moving up. JaMarcus Russell is also on the phone.

12:07 PM: Apparantly 12:00 is 12:10 in TV time.

Ford, you suck. It's not a class-exclusive-panoramic-vista roof, IT'S A FREAKING SUN ROOF. Now the Raiduhs are on the clock.

12:47 PM: I''m having computer troubles, I have to reboot, sorry.

At least Romeo made the smart decision with Thomas. Man, am I psyched.

1:00 PM: Back. I'll break down the picks I missed.

Oakland: What a surprise, although Calvin is the best player in the draft.

Detroit: Got the best player in the draft

Cleveland: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tampa Bay: Good pick, but still waiting for the trade with Detriot

Arizona: Well, need pick, but Levi at 5? Wow, first big reach of the draft.

Adrian Peterson continues to fall of lack of need.

1:05 PM: Mel Kiper continues to freak me out

1:17 PM: Laron Landry is the Skins pick (like, their only one this year). I dunno, not a bad pick, but they should have traded it.

1:18 PM: If the Vikings pick Quinn, they're stupid for giving up on Jackson. They should go with the steal in Peterson.

1:25 PM: Car commercials are the most horrid thing in existence

1:28 PM: Good pick in Peterson for the Vikings. Can't believe noone traded up.

1:29 PM: Who for Atlanta? Ginn? Jarret? Meachem perhaps? Jamaal Anderson?

1:37 PM: Anderson it is. Wonder how much Petrino wanted to pick Amobi Okoye?

1:39 PM: If this pick isn't Quinn, I'll stick a pencil up my nose.

1:50 PM: The pencil hurts. Ted Ginn? Wow, poor Brady Quinn. I feel for him. He could fall WAY far now. Not good for him, not at all.

1:55 PM: Mel Kiper was totally trashing Miami and Ginn, glad Keyshawn stepped in and gave a different perspective.

1:58 PM: That David Ortiz commercial was hilarious

2:04 PM: 2nd round pick gets picked because he's 19 years old. Oi. San Fran is the next in line with no need at QB. Man, I feel for Quinn.

2:17 PM: A bunch of people are falling, I'm liking the 3 spot in the 2nd round. Not a bad pick in Willis for the 9ers.

2:26 PM: Slow, slow going. Love the honoring of Bruce Smith, and the pick of Marshawn Lynch.

2:39 PM: Adam Carriker is a solid, safe pick at DE for the Rams. I was hoping he might fall a long way, but no go.

2:44 PM: Jets have traded up. Question is, are they still trying to replace Pennington, or are they going for corner? Most likely corner, since they have Clemens.

2:52 PM: Jets should take Revis...and they DO take Revis. Good pick, really underrated player, and the Jet fans are psyched.

2:56 PM: Wow, Chad is a condescending dick. Doesn't make me want Alltell.

2:58 PM: Are the Browns really trying to move back in to get Quinn? Oh, and Pittspuke takes Lawrence Timmons, but who cares?

3:12 PM: Pick is in for GB...who's it gonna be? I say WR wouldn't be the best pick, but we'll see what happens here...Justin Harrel? Jesus, another big reach, although better than picking a WR.

3:23 PM: Denver moves up? What for? Hall? Alan Branch, who's fallen?

3:26 PM: And Denver picks Jarvis Moss, not a bad or a good pick. Speedy guy, but had a lot of talent around him. Cinci is on the clock.

3:34 PM: Character guy for cinci? Possibly? Let's see, I bet they'll pick Brandon Merriwether. Leon Hall out of Michigan is a good, value pick without any character issues. Not bad.

3:47 PM: Tennessee's another one that needs a high character guy, and they'll probably pick a WR, of which there are about 2 high character guys, and they take...Michael Griffin. Well, defensive help again, and a good character guy as well. Not bad.

3:56 PM: G-Men pick, well it should be Poz and it is...Aaron Ross, not too bad, they did lose Frank Walker.

4:02 PM: Jacksonville picks Reggie Nelson...funny thing, some Jacksonville fans were chanting "Revis, Revis". Not the smartest guys, apparantly.

4:16 PM: Cleveland trades up to get Quinn. Don't know exactly how I feel about this. I'm kinda glad, since I wanted a later QB, but later in the 1st, I don't know. Hope they didn't give up their 2nd. If they didn't I'll be content. I didn't really want him because I thought they needed Oline help more, but they got that too.

4:21 PM: Oh dear god, the 2nd and 1st from next year? Ugh, horrible, horrible, horrible. They may have just given up a top 10 pick from next year.

4:31 PM: Chiefs pick Dwayne Bowe, when they should have gone Oline. Not too great. I'm gonna take about a half hour to go outside and stretch a little bit. See you all a bit later.

5:00 PM: Back, Jesus, Merriwther, the anti-character type as a Patriot? Ick. Carolina picks John Beason from Miami...um well I don't know...didn't think he'd be a first rounder, but ok then. Dallas trades up? This should be interesting.

5:07 PM: Cowboys pick Anthohy Spencer, which is good because htat would have been NO's pick. Mel Kiper's voice cracked, and I laughed.

5:19 PM: Robert Meachem for the Saints, I guess they wanted to replace Horn. Man, the offense will be tough to stop.

5:32 PM: 49ers trade up, in front of Baltimore for Joe Staley from Central Michigan, and it's always good when Baltimore doesn't get their guy. Slow going still.

5:39 PM: Mel Kiper scares me. And his magic 8 ball method of saying which prospects are good isn't doing great for him this year.

5:42 PM: Baltisuck takes Ben Grubbs, and now that he is a Ratbird, he is a Grub. I hate his guts, and he is a horrible person.

5:58 PM: Craig Davis? CRAIG DAVIS? Wow, Aj Smith better be right on this. Huge reach.

6:01 PM: Keyshawn seems really smart, he could go into broadcasting after the end of his career. him and Kiper got into an argument, Kiper argued Jarret was too slow, and Keyshawn was rightly defending him.

6:07 PM: Alan Branch is still there. I wonder if the Browns could work a deal with a player like Gary Baxter to move up and get him. 2nd round? He'd be a major steal.

6:10 PM: Olsen picked by Bears, good pick for the offenxive starved Bears.

6:18 PM: Final pick of the first round is Anthony Gonzalez of Ohio State. Good pick, to replace Stokely. Quick, good blocker, only problem is size, but still. I love that he went to a place where he's almost assured to have success there with Manning. Longest first round ever, Oi. I'm gonna duck out here for about a half hour, be back here soon, Arizona just traded up as I go.

6:48 PM: Cardinals select the one I wanted Cleveland to select, Alan Branch, which is a steal at this point.

Buffalo trades up to grab Paul Posluszny from Penn St., another steal here.

Tampa Bay grabs Aaron Sears, not exactly a steal, but an underrated player and feels a need. Nice pick by the Bucs.

Eagles grab Kevin Kolb, which is an absolutely horrible pick. First of all, 4th best QB AVAILABLE, behind Beck, Edwards, and Stanton. And McNabb ain't that old. He doesn't deserve to have a rookie behind him.

6:51 PM: San Diego traded up to grab Eric Weddle from Utah, which is a safe, smart pick, and Weddle is perfect for the 3-4.

6:59 PM: Oakland picks Zach Miller, which is massively uninteresting.

7:03 PM: Atlanta picks Justin Blalock, otherwise known as Justin "there's an invisible y in there" Blalock, which is also massively uninteresting.

7:06 PM: Miami picks John Beck, which is an awesome pick, and possibly the best QB in the draft.

7:14 PM: Atlanta takes Chris Houston, and average CB who went up because of a fast 40.

7:18 PM: After another trade up, Indi takes Tony Ugoh, the Offensive tackle with the odd name. And in response to the comment, you're kinda living in the moment. It's not likely that the Browns will get above the 22nd pick next year, so you're trading down basically, and giving them a second rounder in exchange for getting what they need a year earlier. Also, they traded a first rounder and got a first rounder back, so there wasn't a year where they didn't have a 1st rounder.

Also, Detroit makes a nice pick in Drew Stanton.

7:30 PM: Carolina picks Dwayne Jarrett, which is perfect, because he's similar to Keyshanw and can take his role. Keyshawn earlier on the show expressed that he was similar to Jarrett. Good situation for him.

7:36 PM: Steelers take LaMarr Woodley, which sucks because he's really good, but now he sucks.

7:43 PM: Jets have just traded up and gotten David Harris, and ILB from Michigan, another guy who I thought was good, a very good pick.

7:52 PM: Jacksonville picks Justin Durant from Hampton, a reach here, but he was a sleeper, so, could work out.

7:57 PM: Keep watch on Antonio Pittman, Kenny Irons, and Michael Bush as they fall, one might fall to the Browns 3rd round, I wouldn't mind any of them.

8:03 PM: Cinci selects Kenny Irons, which is confusing. They already have Perry and Johnson. I guess they need a really strong 3rd stringer.

8:06 PM: Tennessee picks Chris Henry, the workout warrior who didn't really produce, and I guess has the claim of being one of 2 players coming in this year with the exact same name as someone else in this year. Again, they already have Chris Brown and LenDale White. Very odd, two straight no need RB picks.

8:15 PM: Giants take Steve Smith, which is kinda odd again, they got Sinorice Moss last year, and Smith is kinda similar, but again, he's the 2nd Steve Smith WR in the NFL, so that's something.

8:18 PM: Rams select Brian Leonard, which I freaking hate because I have Stephen Jackson on my fantasy team and that'll take TDs away from him.

8:22 PM: That David Ortiz commercial is still funny.

8:25 PM: CLEVELAND TRADES UP! Wait to see who they pick and what they gave up, this could blow up in their face if they pick someone bad or give up too much.

8:28 PM: The pick is in, hope it's Pittman...and it's...Eric Wright?! This was important enough to trade up? AUGH! If they gave up a 3rd and a 4th for this, I will be TICKED. HE might have fallen to the Browns pick without a trade!

8:30 PM: Eric Wright, who apparantly has issues with rape and drugs, and we gave up a 4th and switched 6ths, GOD! C'mon Savage, Learn from the Bengals. If he gets into trouble, so will you.

8:35 PM: Kansas City takes Turk McBride. If his 6.5 sacks is the best they can show, well, I'll stop.

8:42 PM: Seattle picks Josh Wilson, and underrated CB from Maryland. Denver takes Tim crowder, a DE full of potential.

8:53 PM: Detroit takes a name I can't spell from Hawaii.

9:08 PM:Waiting for the Ratbirds to pick...they trade it! Detroit trades up to get in front of New Orleans, crap I have to wait until early 3rd to see who I have to hate. Lions pick Gerald Alexander? Wow, quite a reach.

9:36 PM: Still just waiting for the Ratbirds pick to sign off for the day.

9:47 PM: Okay, As we near hour 10 in the draft, I'm gonna sing off. I will talk about how much I hate the new Raven tommorow. See both of my readers tommorow.

Sad, Sad, Sad

2007-03-12T22:57:00Z

Sorry for the lack of posts, as if anyone cares. I know the following is outdated, by the way. But I'll get right to the point: Jamal Lewis. Ick. Again, ick. I went into a deep felon-hating depression after they signed him, and trust me, it was not pretty for the people around me. I'll get into more detail on here in a second, but suffice it to say: Me no likey Jamal Lewis. Why did Phil Savage have to go and sign a player who is probably a guy who has tortured the Browns the most of any players? Chances are, he'll grab the ball and run straight backward.

Okay, onto my actual point, aside from the from the fact that Jamal Lewis=Son of Devil. From what I've seen of Jamal Lewis, he's not exactly the fastest to hit the hole. He seems, well, honesty, kinda scared to get hit. That's a big uh-oh. Considering if there are holes at all made by the Browns Oline, they're there for, like, barely an instant. If he can't learn to hit the hole fast, then this could be disasterous.

He doesn't use his size like he used to. Sure, he's got the speed and the size, but he might as well be 100 pounds if he doens't use his size.

On top of that, we don't need felons and former Ravens (Believe it or not, different things) on the team anyway, the crime rate of Cleveland will triple.

Did I mention I hate Jamal Lewis? Because I should make that clear. I know it's a crappy explanation. Mostly I didn't want them to sign Jamal Lewis because I hate him.

Beaded Doorway time: Subject: Movies. I saw the movie '300' on Saturday. It was frick'n amazing. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet, which is noone, this movie has too much blood to not see it. 300 people hacking up about 100,000 people, in slo-mo. Amazing. And what I like about it, it has a good message, but it doesn't get preachy at all. It also doesn't stray fro the main focus which is the fighting and the wonderfully uncensored violence. Acting is great, I had never really heard of these guys before but they all seemed perfect for their roles.

And there was a trailer for Spiderman 3, which has Topher Grace (Eric from 'That 70's Show'), and looks really good.

Short one today, I felt bad for wasting people's lives,

Baron Von Awesome

Painting the Town Green

2007-03-04T20:56:00Z

Look at all the money flying around. I have a feeling if I put a beach ball under my shirt and claimed I was an offensive lineman that was willing to be only a depth player, I'd get a few million. Money apparantly doesn't matter anymore. I'm not an expert on the salary cap, but I'm guessing it doesn't exist anymore, or has at least imploded and is now just a pile of rubble.

Eric Steinbach is the highest paid Guard in the league. Is he the best guard in the league? No. Nate Clements is getting paid 80 million dollard. 80 million. Jesus Christ, how about you go feed Africa instead? Top paid defensive player in HISTORY, and he might not even be top 15 in the present day. Don't give me inflation or any crap like that, that's too much money.

Forget the fact that he's overpaid, and I know I'm being hypocritical when I say this, considering how much of a football fan, but does it kinda say something about how screwed up these countries priorities are? Do you realize how much 80 million dollars could do for some charity? How much it could help to rebuild cities hit by floods or hurricanes? And we're giving it to a guy who, forget my personal feelings for it, is just playing a game. It's work, but it's not worth 80 million dollars. There are harder jobs in the world. What does one guy need with 80 million dollars anyway?

Well, switching gears and being even more of a hyporcrite, I will provide you with 3 more positions in rankings.

TE: Greg Olsen, after running a 4.51, has jumped ahead of everyone else.

Best option: Greg Olsen, Miami

Best 2nd-3rd round option: Scott Chandler, Iowa

Best 2nd day option: Tyler Ecker, Michigan

MLB: After Patrick Willis, there's not much.

Best Option: Patrick Willis, Ole Miss

Best 2nd-3rd Option: Anthony Waters, Clemson

Best 2nd day Option: Kelvin Smith, Syracuse

S: Tons of depth, and LaRon Landry and Reggie Nelson are studs at the top.

Best Option: LaRon Landry, LSU

Best 2nd-3rd Option: Eric Weddle, Utah

Best 2nd day option: John Wendling, Wyoming

Doorway Beaded the for time. Today's topic: Bad TV Shows. Take for example: Every show FOX makes. Like The War At Home. Is this supposed to be funny? Even the studio audience, paid to laugh and pretend to be happy, doesn't laugh because they can't figure out whether the person is trying to make a joke, or trying to act and being a dangerous retard. Most of the time it was both. Heck, all of the time. I hate the main character of that show. I don't know how I know, but I know he was the one who really killed JFK, the one who killed the dinosaurs, and the one who created Coke Zero. He has no right to live.

Rantingly Yours,

Baron Von Awesome

Blitzbacker Bop

2007-02-27T21:47:00Z

Ok. Kam-Kam's got one spot settled in there, after having a great season and making the pick of him over Ngata look pretty smart (Suck it Baltimore!). But 1 is the lonliest number, verdad? Willie is past is prime, not to say that he can't help by, well, being there, but he's no long term or even really short term solution. So, in a post-combine not so special-special, I provide you with a rushbacker for each of the 7 rounds. Not neccasarily a DE, not neccasarily a LB.

1st round: Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson

2nd round: LaMarr Woodley, DE, Michigan

3rd round: Prescott Burgess, LB, Michigan

4th round: Antwan Barnes, LB/DE, Florida International

5th round: Tim Shaw, LB/DE Penn St.

6th round: Brian Smith, LB Missouri

7th round: Jacob Ford, DE, Central Arkansas

Okay, short and bitter, so it's onto the beaded doorway. Subject today: Pigs. Specifically how many things pigs can be.In the past 3 days, I've been able to draw with my absoulutely non-existent drawing skills, a pig Hitler, a pig cowboy, and a pig/snake/cow pirate named Captain Snowg. He was a lot like Captain Jack Sparrow, except without the acting talent, eye shadow, and blatent homosexuality. Seriously, you can draw a pig anything. Try it.

So to the two people who actually read this and haven't dropped down from crappy writing-induced heart failure, draw a pig something and post it as a comment, or if you're lazy like me, find a picture of a pig online. Winner gets absolutely nothing.

Why you ask? Because I'm bored.

Boredly yours,

BaronVonAwesome

The Death of Not So St. Millen?

2007-02-23T23:28:00Z

Matt Millen.The Hitler of Detroit. It's become such an automatic opinion that pops into your head."He ruined that team". Well yes, he did. But if you stopped to think for a second, he's learning, and maybe what he did in the first place wasn't exactly so bad. I might be the only one who thinks this, but I don't see many people who have seriously considered the possibility.

What were his 3 WR picks, which he was so criticized for? A talented player who turned out to be a mental case, no fault of Millen, in Charles Rogers. A Pro Bowler, in Roy Williams. And a misused big guy in Mike Williams, who has work ethic issues.

Jon Kitna, recently signed, was a good signing and gives them a stable, if not overly amazing, prescense at QB. Ernie Sims, the most recent 1st round pick of Millen. He somehow snatched Jonathon Scott in the 5th round, who is now a promising starter at RT. When Daniel Bullocks gets a chance, he may be a stud.

This isn't a team that's going to take advantage of it's talent. Their coaches haven't been able to take advantage, but Marinelli has developed the most recent batch of draft picks into a promising bunch. They got some nice talent, but they seem to have a few key areas that they need to adress before they can make that jump. If Millen can address those needs, this could be a team that surprises a lot of people. I'd say 8-8 is a possiblilty for them next year, and I have them as one of my break-out teams.

So I say to you Lions fans: Give Millen another chance. Stability is one of the most useful things a franchise can have, and Millen finally seems to be catching on. Just wait. 1 or 2 years. This is a Browns fan talking. It's not like I haven't had to deal with droughts of suck.

Switching gears, I said 3 more positions of draft ranks, so here ya go:

DE: Strong at the top but the depth dies down. Adam Carriker is a nice underrated prospect.

Best option: Gaines Adams, Clemson

Best 2nd-3rd option: Adam Carriker, Nebraska

Best 2nd day option: Mkristo Bruce, Washington St.

OLB: Some great depth, but no clear cut top prospect.

Best option: Paul Posluszny, Penn St.

Best 2nd-3rd option: Rufus Alexander, Oklahoma

Best 2nd day option: Tim Shaw, Penn St.

CB: A lot of depth, but again, no clear cut guy at the top

Best option: Darrelle Revis, Pittsburgh

Best 2nd-3rd option: DeAndre Jackson, Iowa St.

Best 2nd day option: Alan Ball, Illinois

The Beaded Doorway begins...not now....NOW. Today's topic: Shoes. My question, why do shoe companies always do stupid commercials. Like the new...heck I don't even know what. It showed a basketball team losing on a last second shot and played music which I think was from the movie Amadaeus. It's not effective advertising. Why you ask? Because never once except for a small unreadable website at the end, did it actually say what the company was. Am I just supposed to take a wild guess? Stupid car commercials are rubbing their suck onto others. At least the LeBrons are slightly hilarious.

Ugh, sorry, not the greatest doorway ever, I'm tired.

Glad the Browns are #3 with 7 bullets,

BaronVonAwesome

Where Is The Love?

2007-02-22T00:51:31Z

I apologize for the lack of posts these last few days, I had one written up, but there was an error with posting it and I lost it, so instead of re-typing it, here's a fresh new one straight of the presses of Awesome.

I will use this post to express my distaste at media and who I would cover if I were ESPN. Stories of TO, Barry Bonds, and the NBA thug of the week (Insert Melo, Steven Jackson, Kobe) at your choice. Why not give some air time to the people who don't complain, don't whine, and don't commit crimes. Less TO and more Warrick Dunn. I'd enjoy hearing about people who are helping their respective sports, not whiners who "try to commit suicide". So, I provide you with a two things from the last few days that go unnoticed in the miasma of sports media.

Indianapolis QB Peyton Manning agreed to restructure his contract, allowing his bonus to be spread of 4 years, savign 8 million in cap room for the Colts. Not exactly a big sacrifice, but a lot of other players could make that same decision but choose not to.

NASCAR Driver Mark Martin. I don't follow NASCAR, but the Daytona 500 had a great finish. For anyone who didn't see, going into the final stretch two racers, Kevin Harvick and Mark Martin, were very close, with Martin slightly leading. A crash happened behind them, and NASCAR rules state that a caution flag should be in effect, meaning Martin would be the winner. However, they just kept racing and Harvick ended up winning. Martin, who has apparantly wanted a Daytona 500 win all his life, graciously accepted defeat and asked that people leave what happened alone, and that he was glad for Harvick. This...just wow, to be chasing a dream, have it snatched away and accept it like he did and do it so graciously, that is a great man.

Switching gears here, time to talk draft. I've already talked about the Browns draft a good bit, but not prospects in general. Here's a quick run-down of the first 3 positions that popped into my head. 3 more will come in the next post

QB: Honestly a weak position, I think the best QB in this draft is actually John Beck from BYU, but he probably won't get a chance.

Best Option: Brady Quinn, Notre Dame

Best 2nd-3rd round Option: John Beck, BYU

Best 2nd Day Option: Drew Tate, Iowa

RB: Some nice depth at this position, not overwhelming, but a solid crop of RBs this year

Best Option: Adrian Peterson, Oklahoma

Best 2nd-3rd round option: Kenny Irons, Auburn

Best 2nd day option: Germaine Race, Pittsburg St.

WR: Absolutely insane. All those Junior declarations make this an unbelievably deep position

Best Option: Calvin Johnson, Georgia Tech

Best 2nd-3rd option: Anthony Gonzalez, Ohio State

Best 2nd Day option: Ryne Robinson, Miami (OH)

There, I've hounded you with info you already know. Onto the beaded doorway.

The story of Herzegovina will remain unfinished to to lack of clue and that it adds to the mystery. Today's subject: Animals. Obviously Mooses and Meese (Different things, believe it or don't), are on the top, but what is the worst animal? Obviously, the answer is the stick bug. Why are there bugs shaped like sticks? Let's say there's a nice little boy named Johnny Corduroy. Little Johnny Corduroy is innocently looking for a stick to poke his old neighbor with, when he accidentaly comes upon a stick bug. This completely irreprehensible boy is scarred for life. He becomes a crack addict. Any animal that will do that is pure evil.

That's about all I have to say.

Awesomely yours,

Baron Von Awesome.

Brady Quinn Is Not My Lover

2007-02-13T22:56:00Z

I'm here to tell you an inconvenient truth. To anyone who thinks the Browns should select Brady Quinn: I salute you for the courage to admit it, but I'm afraid you are a commie. That's right. Anyone who wants Brady Quinn hates freedom. There. I said it.

    Kidding, of course, don't hate me. Anymore than you do now at least. But honestly, Quinn is not what this team needs. I got on subject on what the Browns needed in my last post, which was offensive line. Joe Thomas looks like a major stud, a guy who really is a very consistent player, which is really what the Browns need. How many times have we seen a player do unbelievable, surprising, wonderful one week and look believable, expected, and crapful the next week. Case in point: Kelly Butler. First start against KC probably brought a wow to more than a few people's mouths. Droughns wasn't exactly running all over them, but he was getting the holes and Anderson was well protected for most of the game.

    For the rest of the season, Butler was mediocre at best. This isn't something that can be a mainstay if a team is ever going to do well. The Cardinals, for example, have all those pieces in place, all that talent, but a horrible offensive line. As a result, 5-11. The offensive line needs to be improved. Do we even have a left guard? Our best player is someone who isn't even in his best position (Shaffer). The Browns aren't going to get on the road to recovery unless we get a rock to stick at the left tackle spot, that people try to move but end up straining their whatever muscle is in the arm (Bicep? Is it possible to strain a bicep? What about a tricep? What is a tricep? What do you call 3 midgets with a banana phone?). Joe Thomas could be that rock that hurts people. Hopefully Steelers players.

    I don't exactly hate Brady Quinn, but when you've got 2 guys who could be franchise QBs, you don't need to bring in a 3rd guy, especially one with all the question marks Quinn has. I do think Quinn will be the best QB in this draft, but I just think the Browns have so many problems that it will only set them backward to pass on some of these guys they could get. Thomas, Peterson, if there's any way he may fall, Calvin Johnson. These are guys at positions we really could use help at. These are the studs of the draft, the guys that will be talked about for years and years. Quinn is Mark Brunell. He's not going to be bad, but he's not gonna be the guy you build the franchise around.

     I don't want the Browns to get Mark Brunell. I'd rather they get Terrell Owens menos el head case, Larry Johnson, or a really good offensive rock.

      It seems like I've gotten too serious. I don't want to pull a Green Day and have my newer stuff to suck. So I'll take this time to muse on the subjects of life, religion, and Dilbert. I could call this Baron Von Awesome's corner, but that's rather stupid, because corners aren't very popular.You have to sit in them in grade school when you talk to much, and, well, they hurt unless they're padded. So I'll have to call this, the beaded doorway, because those things are awesome.

      So on to the beaded doorway of Awesome. I'd like to discuss one of my favorite subjects. Scrolling through a history book, I saw a wonderful story. It's about a wonderful country, with a frickin hilarious name. Herzegovina. I have no idea why, but that's hilarious. They export wood products and shirts made in Taiwan. I think Dilbert is the president. It used to be part of the Ottoman Empire, I think. Which oddly was not ruled by a guy named Otto.

    I could continue, but I just had to push a car through a snow drift into a driveway, and I'm cold. I'm gonna go stick my feet into a fire.

BaronVonAwesome OUT!

* As always, feel free to comment. Even, or rather especially, if you, for some reason, like Brady Quinn to the Browns.

Burn This City

2007-02-09T21:10:00Z

I am of the humble opinion, that if anyone went to the city of Pittsburgh (more commonly known as Pukesburgh), and lit a match, the entire city would burst into flames. Seriously. All that pollution in the air, it'd be like a firey and hilarious domino effect from flammable gas to flammable gas. I would love to see this happen. Why not? It'd be like killing Hitler. We have to do it before they do it themselves.

Of course we'd evacuate all the unfortunate Browns fans living in Pittsburgh first.

On to business.You know me. Well actually you don't, but for the sake of this let's say you do.You know I'm a Steelers hater. So please don't take offense to this, because it horribly pains me to say the following.

A) The way the Steelers draft is something the Browns should learn from.

Look what they've done. Let's go down the line (literally):

Left Tackle: Marvel Smith - 2nd round, 7th pick, by the Steelers

Left Guard: Alan Faneca - 1st round, 26th pick, by the Steelers

Right Guard: Kendall Simmons - 1st round, 30th pick, by the Steelers

Right Tackle: Max Starks - 3rd round, 12th pick, by the Steelers

Sensing a theme? Out of the 5 starters, 4 were drafted by the Steelers. That's punto numero uno. If you want solid, top quality lineman, DRAFT THEM. Don't trade, don't sign, you should draft them. Good offensive lineman are nearly impossible to find and even harder to actually get on the open market.

Adding on to that is punto numero dos. All 4 of those starters were drafted 1st day, 2 in the first round. Point #2 is DRAFT THEM EARLY. Don't try to find a diamond in the rough later in the draft, grab them in the first or 2nd round. You're a lot more likely to find a quality starter or even pro bowler earlier in the draft. There will alway, of course, be exceptions, but in general, draft them early.

By the way, there is one missing, the center position is kind of wacky for them right now, I don't even think they know who the starter is, the dummies.

B) Pittsburgh sucks

C) I would not mind seeing Bill Cowher coach the Browns.

I know, it would hurt when it first started, but the pain would recede and we'd be left with a pretty darn good coach who runs the same defensive system we do. I really think it would work. Aside from the fact that he looks like a man who could jump out of the TV and start stabbing you, he's a plain and simple EFFECTIVE coach. And most of all, proven.

D) Pittsburgh still sucks

Ok, there, the pain is over. I hope I never have to do that again.

Now someone go to Pittsburgh and strike a match, would ya'?

Pittsburgh will always suck,

Baron Von Awesome

* Again, feel free to comment

The Origin of a Species

2007-02-06T20:08:00Z

I really have no idea what to write about for this first post, but I've got not problem with winging it. Since this is my first post and I'm really just trying this out, I decided to post about some random thing that I thought about just now. Chances are it'll change to other subjects, such as how much turtlenecks suck, and how Dilbert should be the next president.

But for now I feel obligated to clean up a certain mess. It has come to my attention (translated: I made it up), that Artbtz is kind of known as this site's equivalent of God. Now I can't stand by and let this misconception live on. At best, he his God's younger brother Steve. Steve is a tough luck guy who doesn't know which way's up. His parents always loved God better, God always got the hot angel babes, and God was better at sports and more popular. He hated living in God's shadow, so he took over a nut-job named L. Ron Hubbard and founded Scientology, which worships hooded sweatshirts and lesser known characters from Star Trek. Of course, Steve's religion is failing and has gotten to the point where they'll accept bad actors like Tom Cruise as their Messiah. That's Artbtz. Except Steve isn't bald.

This scandal, in my mind, is second only to the lies of the "Coke Zero" ad agency, who's fork-tongued executives blatantly lied to the public about the number of calories contained in Coke Zero. In fact, it contains .3 to .5 calories per 3.4 fl. oz. (Thank you wikipedia), meaning a whopping 3 calories per 20 fl. oz. I for one will not stand for this. That 3 calories isn't going to come off by itself. It's all a scam with the makers of BoFlex to get you to burn off those surprise calories.

I hope all of you realize what a terrible mistake you have made about Artbtz, and it is not too late to atone.

With that, BaronVonAwesome ends his first post in his mighty blog. I know it's short, sue me.

*Note: In no way was this post intended to offend the Coke ad agency.I'm sure they and their families are perfectly fine, normal people despite the fact that they are black-hearted monsters.

**Double-Asterisked Note: Thank you to the 3 people who read this.

***Triple-Asterisked Note: Feel free to comment on how bad this is.