Noted NFL fatass Jerome Bettis is attempting to join another circle that neither wants him or has invited him.
Picture Bettis straining to complete a five-yard run, sweat coming out of every smelly pore of his lard-laden body. The cold air of a Pennsyltucky winter, combined with the soot and sulfur-laden atmosphere causes Bettis' nose to clog up as he heaves along. The hideous, smelly beast blows snot bubbles, which explode on his upper lip with each painful step.
Your first thought when pondering the Steeler running back's quickly-forgotten career is probably the same as mine: yummy, delicious food!
Yes, Jerome Bettis and gourmet cuisine have finally come together, as the noxious Steeler running back has opened up what will inevitably become a bacteria-infested glob of pfisteria under the overcast and polluted skies of Pittspuke.
Bettis has named his swill trough "Grille 36" in a pathetic and unnecessary attempt to gravy-train his mediocre and overlong career. Most can see this as it truly is: a lame imitation of far-superior establishments created by Don Shula and Bernie Kosar, created specifically to cater to food-gathering lower primates.
Look, Jerome: playing five downs a game in pursuit of instantly-forgotten records does not constitute a Hall of Fame career, and tossing some ketchup on a four-eyed chemically-tormented fish found floating upside-down in one of the many fly-infested bogs around Pittspuke does not constitute fine dining.
Count me among the many mammals who have crawled up the food chain enough to avoid any intersection of sweaty running backs and mealtimes like it's glowing with radioactivity.
If you force yourself to visit Pittspuke to see your beloved Browns play football, then for heaven's sake pay attention to the Department of Transportation's hazardous materials labelling and avoid orally ingesting any of the local toxins. It's always a smart travel tip to bring your own water when visiting Yinzerland or Mexico, if you can.
Better yet, I'd suggesting bringing along your own air if you've got the pressure tanks handy. You'll thank me later.
