Chad Johnson's continuing crusade to prove himself the better of stupid barnyard animals hit a snag late last week, as four-year-old colt Restore the Roar struck back, topping the Bengals receiver in an arguably more critical contest.
While a half-the-distance head start proved enough for Johnson in a foot-vs-hoof race somewhere in Cincitucky, a ridiculously unfair advantage was worthless to the flamboyant wide receiver as Restore the Roar easily won a contest to see which would score better on the NFL's Wonderlic test.
The colt's female jockey, P.J. Cooksey, was proud of her steed's revenge, providing some insight into how the animal bested Johnson, who arguably had the built-in advantage of opposable thumbs:
"The two are alike in that both Roar and Chad don't really communicate by the written language very often, preferring instead braying sounds and the stomping of feet. Neither responded much to the test, but it was clear from Roar's eye movements that he was far more intrigued by the mental challenge".
As with the race, which allowed Johnson to start halfway to the finish line, the Wonderlic challenge tilted the playing field in the favor of the receiver. Restore the Roar spotted Johnson a number of questions, allowing him to avoid difficult topics like recognizing shapes and differentiating between numbers and letters.
The horse will proved more acute at answering questions in various fields, including being able to recognize a carrot as a food item, and correctly picking out the "farm animal" from a group which included a rock, chicken, hammer, and kumquat.
Despite Johnson's inarguable self-awareness, Roar also bested the wide receiver by being able to recognize when his name when it was shouted at him.
Upcoming proposed contests between the two include a long-term battle to see which will be a better parent, and a sugarcube-devouring session both of which postulate Roar as a likely prohibitive favorite.