Let’s just say it’s a damn good thing that I chose to go to the Bob Dylan concert Saturday night instead of that silly ol' hee-haw fest otherwise known as the country music fest at the Cleveland Browns Stadium.
Not that I would have gone anyway mind you.
What happened you ask? In case you haven’t heard already, let’s just say that the country music fans who decided to dress the country-part on Saturday got to unexpectedly put their “shit-kickers” to some literal use.
I suppose it just depends on who you ask as far as the real story goes. According to reports from the team’s
official website, a major “fresh water supply line” at the 8 year-old stadium broke thus resulting in major damage around the stadium…see you at the pre-season opener! Is that all?
Well, sure…unless you feel like counting the fact that over 50,000 fans at the sold out show had to hang out for over 9 hours in a facility in which suddenly had less than half of their restroom toilets able to flush for the rest of the evening.
Is there a Dwayne Schneider-type super in the house?
Of course there wasn’t. What happened instead, like many a drunken sports fan, these country hobos chose to
adapt and overcome in admirable fashion. Women just used the men’s rooms instead. Toilets that couldn’t be flushed were still being used over and over.
The resulting seas were rough my friends. Puddles around the stadium were as much as 6-inches deep, fluids poured down ceilings and walls, and many a walkway were flooded. Many more citizens were reported (maybe) to be praying for fear of the rapture...while others were just simply cursing Mr. Hankey himself.
Despite the fact that the stadium’s restroom conditions were lowered to nasty standards (unseen since the last time I stayed in a Navy aircraft carrier birthing area with a similar problem a couple years back...and there is no escape once you are out to sea mind you. You damn Squids!) in just a couple short hours, the fans still decided to wait it out until headliner Kenny Chesney took the stage at the end of the night. To me, this is just another reason why country music still completely sucks.
Thankfully, the Browns wisely decided to cancel “Family Night” (a practice at the stadium for charity) which was scheduled for August 3rd and hope to have repairs complete for the pre-season opener vs. Kansas City on August 11th.
For those of you heading up for the Chiefs game, take my advice and wear the brown jersey…just in case.
Read the complete post at http://kidcleveland.blogspot.com/2007/07/another-reason-why-i-am-not-country.html