The newswire is boring as hell. It's not our fault, we're out there surfing and trying to find some interesting stuff, but finding mostly lameness. It's making me cranky.
Here's what's turned up in the last 24 hours or so:
Friday afternoon, the Texans dumped David Carr on the street after a few years of getting sacked at a Couchian rate. "Thanks for the service, Dave", Texans GM Rick Smith essentially said, "and sorry for getting smashed into component molecules and all. Best of luck!".
One year, you're on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Five year's later, it's off to the glue factory. Or Oakland (shudder).
Yesterday, Steve Doerschuk listened in as Phil Savage continued pimp-slapping the Winslow is history rumor into oblivion, saying K2 "should be good to go in June or July". Usually when the news is bad or the team has even a smidgeon of doubt, what you get from Berea is a deafening silence, so they seem to be pretty confident about this one. Props to Steve D for enduring Mike Trivasanno's usual crumb-spewing idiocy to bring us back what Savage said.
If you let Mike Trivassano huff and puff about bad journalism, well, that's just piling on. Man, that's gotta suck, having that tard poke at your stories. Ugh.
Meanwhile, Len Pasquarelli got the memo from ESPN management that the Browns hadn't been abused enough recently, so the Bristolean ragged on the Browns using Denver as a proxy. Nice twist on the recurring Boston uber alles schtick, Lenny. If you're looking for insight here, you're probably not going to find it, other than to know that defensive linemen we cut weren't all that great and that Courtney Brown was "star-crossed".
Pasquarelli calls Brown "classy yet fragile-as-a-Ming-vase". What I want to know is how Pasquarelli would have any freaking idea of whether CB was "classy" or just an introverted guy who didn't want to have anything to do with the media? Pasquarelli visits Cleveland one day a year, where he's feted like a king, and never had to put up with Brown dodging the press.
Let me point this out: Being introverted isn't "classy". Total asshats can be quiet too, which just makes them quiet asshats. I know a lot about this sort of thing.
I guess that guy sitting alone mumbling to himself in the corner booth at McDonalds is the classiest of all, because you never see him quoted in the papers, either.
Any more revelations and my brain would explode. Meh.
Go back to building your long-awaited life-size statue of Bill Belichick made out of wadded up bread and mashed potatoes, Lenny.
Oddly, I was listening to ESPN radio (briefly) for a bit yesterday, and they had Peter Gammons on talking about the Red Sox. Who'da thunk it? If I get the free time, I'll surf to that wacky "Page 2" and read the former "Boston Sports Guy", Bill Simmons. Meh squared.
Elsewhere, Brady Quinn endures people messing with his hair and telling him he looks faaaaabulous. If the Browns draft him, you'll be able to read a forthcoming ESPN piece on the crazy antics as Super Brady tries to fit into "blue-collar" Cleveland. Super meh.
So, to summarize: ESPN sucks, there isn't anything to read that's all that great, and Pro Football Talk was wrong again.
Listen to me, mainstream media types: Get cranking.
I don't care if there's no news coming out of Berea. I want my FREE READING MATERIAL and I WANT IT NOW and I want it INSIGHTFUL and AMUSING. How much do I pay you people, anyway? Get back to work, dammit.