Off the Wagon

Cleveland Browns owner Randy ’The Burner’ Lerner has announced that Lake Erienites will finally have something to cheer about this upcoming season.
New Cheerleaders.
"Most Clevelanders will hate the idea, but there's a little something different about these girls that I think the people of this city might enjoy."  Randy hinted at a presser this week.

While most sports teams have slim bodied, rah-rah eye candy on the sidelines, the Browns organization have taken a much different approach.

"The girls will react just as the most loyal fans in the Dawg Pound would, apathetically, woeful, but mostly pissed-off and drunk.  And let's be honest, they ain't the best lookin' bunch either."  Lerner replied with a chuckle.

Randy went on to clarify.
"For example, take Stephanie here,"  He gestured to the "grenade" in the corner. " we found her down in Akron at some seedy strip joint.  She's a chain-smoking, whiskey drinkin', Steeler hater who will look great in dimly lit night games.  What more do you want??"

At which point someone in the room mumbled "Night games."

The reaction of Cleveland fans should be interesting considering the long tenure without adult sideline fixtures.
When asked about the new addition, Browns general manager Phil Savage walked silently into a nearby office with his head down, where a muffled gunshot was later heard.

"I'm justh ready to f*&^$## get out there and f#@@ some s%$# up!  I know we probly won’t f#$%#% win, but you know......at least we’ll start some s$%t.“  Slurred Stephanie, The Captain of the new Browns squad.

We're with you Stephanie, we're with you.