Independence, OH (Obsolete Chi-Chi's Restaurant) - It will go down as one of the more famous drinking binges in the new era of the Cleveland Browns. GM Phil Savage took full advantage of "Fiesta Hour" at the local Chi-Chi's on Rockside Road in Independence this week, leaving him groggy, hung-over and a running back heavier.
What started as an innocent break from free agency took a turn for the worst when Savage reached double digits in Margarita consumption.
"Yeah, he was fine when he came in, but got pretty messed up fast. He put his cell phone on the bar and stared at it the whole time he drank. ", said Pauly Ross, part time host and assistant bar manager.
"We have a happy hour from 4-7pm, an all you can drink Margarita special for $15 ... he drank all our Margaritas."
Bartender Thad Barnes was working that night, and had this to say about Savage: "Oh Man that dude was trrrrashed! I kept givin him drinks cause he was slingin me Browns tickets like singles. I'm gonna sell them on Ebay and make a KILLING!"
When asked about the drunken phone call: "Ya, he was starin at that phone all night. Got all teary eyed and kept sayin, it'll make things weird, it'll make things weird. Don't know what he meant by it, but he finally just picked it up and called some dude named Jamal. It was sad, like an ex-girlfriend type of thing ya know? I felt bad, so I gave him a free Jaeger bomb."
Apparently the call went to enemy figurehead RB Jamal Lewis from the Coltimore Ravens, in which Savage set up a meeting the next day.
"After the call he was all happy and shit. He ate all the salsa and chips then bailed." Continued Thad
"I got ripped off man, I checked Ebay, those tickets ainÂt worth nothing."
It's unclear as to where Savage went next; some witnesses say he was at Quaker Steak in Valley View, shooting flaming Dr. Peppers. Others say he went to the local strip club, where he continued to give out Browns tickets like dollar bills.
What we do know is that the next day, Jamal Lewis was signed to a 1-year deal with the Browns. Savage was seen briefly, with dark glasses and bottled water, walking sluggishly from his office where he commented concisely on the signing.
"Lewis ... better than Droughns... skull.. ow shit... don't be such haters.. I'm a genius .. touchdown."
Savage then sprinted passed the press down the hall to the Men's lavatory, where strange guttural noises were heard for several minutes.
It may seem weird to the Cleveland fans to have such a hated rival on the team, but beggars can't be choosers, and the residents of Cleveland have been begging for far too long.
When asked what he would say to Jamal Lewis if he came in, Pauly replied "I would say welcome to Chi-Chi's."
Indeed, welcome to Chi-Chi's Jamal.