Charlie Frye was the last thing on Brady Quinn's mind as he exited the 'Structure' at Beachwood Mall. In a sarcastic effort to appease world class ass kisser Joe Theisman, Quinn was in the process of purchasing a brand new wardrobe with LT Joe Thomas.
Theisman's unwarranted dig at the newest QB of the Browns did not stop with just an open criticism to the media.
"Joe called my cell and gave me some suggestions on where to shop and cut my hair." Quinn sheepishly told the media on Monday " He told me J-Crew and Best Cuts were a good start to, you know, look more "All-American". He said I should try to look whiter than Mike Tirico and Bryant Gumbel playing Frisbee at a Dave Matthew's Concert."
Quinn took the pompous remarks in stride, picking up some nice pleated pants and a pastel dress shirt at Structure. But as he left the store, he was met face to face with Browns scrappy QB #1 Charlie Frye.
Charlie, donning a 2Pac t-shirt with Carhart overalls, was coming out of the Ye Olde Fair Mustache Trimming Shoppe with TE Kellen Winslow and WR Braylon Edwards.
The initial meeting was quite cordial as the two QB's made small talk about Corey Snyder, Brook Jacoby and Bernie Kosar.
They seemed to hit it off, slowly drifting away from the rest of their teammates, finding a wooden bench across from Orange Julius to sit and chat.
It was reported that KWII and Joe Thomas made their way to the food court to see who could "bench press more soccer moms".
Yung Ping Pong, a sampler for Asian Food, Yum!, had this to say about KW and Joe Thomas.
"You try bourbon chicken?"
After many attempts to sign language and dramatically annunciate Kellen Winslow 2, Yung finally understood and replied:
"Man on clutches, he rift sevren radies. Man smell fishy, he rift six radies. Man on clutches wrin. Fatality. Bourbon Chicken?"
Braylon Edwards was seen in the parking lot playing air catch by himself. He was overheard repeating his new mantra " Don't leave your damn feet, catch with your damn hands" over and over and again.
Fabriccio Marichelli, a hair dresser at Best Cuts, saw the newly acquainted QB's chatting together and thought something was up.
"I gave the Abercrombie looking one a hair cut earlier this morning. He told me some old mediocre QB, made famous by a broken leg, was spouting off trivialities about his hair. I gave him a nice typical franchise QB look. Before I could sweep up, the scrappy one with the bad mustache ran in, grabbed a lock of hair off the floor, and bolted. I thought it was kind of unusual, but hey, I work at a mall. I see weird shit everyday."
Apparently the fresh relationship became seriously uncomfortable when Chuck and Brady decided to swap numbers. Brady programmed Chuck into his shiny new Black Berry.
Charlie dug around in his overall pockets for a pen and paper when a small little doll fell out.
Brady looked down in horror at a miniature figure with his exact likeness. At this point, Charlie apparently picked up the doll, scrambled right, held on to it too long, fumbled it twice, threw it end over end towards a trash can only to be picked off by a janitor, and was accidentally sacked by the proprietor of Piercing Pagoda. Par for the course.
Quinn talked about watching his future mentor bumble around the mall.
"Aw you know Charlie's a good guy. He's a hard competitor and I thought he looked real good avoiding that stand with the microwave-able aromatic pillows."
Brady went on to talk about the voodoo doll.
"Really I'm just glad to have an answer for these painful burns, stabbing pains and overall feelings of dread."
Fabriccio was questioned on whether the voodoo doll incident was the weirdest thing he's ever seen at the mall.
"Nope. I've seen Kirstie Alley's balls."