Oh my goodness, what a trip I just went on. Phew! I'm absolutely pooped. I had so much fricken fun, my head is about to explode with delight. I don't mean to toot my own horn here, but If you've never been in Duh Nile, I highly, highly suggest it.
It's a bea-utiful, surreal land; the perfect getaway from work, bitches, hos, nagging wives and incompetent football franchises.
And the best part is, IT'S ABSOLUTELY FREE! (Minus the booze of course) YAY!
I rode jet skis with my best friend Rip Torn, I went scuba diving for sunken treasure with Steve Irwin, I got a massage from hot Asian chicks who laughed hysterically at everyone of my jokes and didn't care that I'm poor.
I can't describe in words how glorious of a trip it was.
But I've gotta say, the best part of my trip to Duh Nile was sitting in that tropical little bar on the beach and watching my Brownies destroy the Steelers in the opener.
My goodness, I sure would hate to be in the Pittsburgh organization right now; scrambling around like a decapitated chicken, searching for answers that probably don't exist. Damn shame really.
To start, their offense looked absolutely horrific. It's laughable.
Do those poor bastards have any clue? Are you a smashmouth team? Are you a passing attack Martzesque O? Are you somewhere in between? And seriously, pick a QB already. How do you trade Big Ben to Seattle NOW after having the whole preseason to do so? I thought he was "the face of the franchise". Geez, get a clue, (and a punter) Pittsburgh!
And really, is their defensive line really scaring anyone? Not me, no sir, not even the Twinsburg High Tigers . Charles Frye's jersey was stain free at the end of the game. I bet he doesn't even wash that sweet #9 for the Bangels game, doesn't have to, not dirtied at all.
Poor poor Steelers. I almost want to console them, but then I see that statuesque coach of theirs in the post game presser, apathetic, robotic, retarded, passion free, and I know it's not worth it, they are incapable of any sort of emotion.
The salty treat on that gaping wound is it's possible that said coach comes from a line of coaching cheaters! Haha! Wouldn't that be the icing; the reason their coach has three rings was because he cheated to get them with video cameras and spy gear! Good lord could the season start any worse for them?
That's all I've got, I'm totally zonked from my trip. I'm planning to head down to Duh Niles again this weekend, feel free to call me if you want to tag along. Bring along a dump truck full of booze and some pain killers if you can. Here's my number.
216-478-SHOOTMEINTHEFACE