It was only a matter of time before ESPN "upped the ante" on their coverage of the media darling boys.
This week, ESPN announced that regular Sportcenter host Stuart Scott will be performing fellatio on New York Yankee slugger, Alex Rodriguez, in the debut of a new segment called the FEDEX 'RugBurn Challange'.
Each week, a different male athlete will pull down his britches and receive the highest of praise from such ESPN regulars as: John Clayton, Skip Bayless and Jim Rome.
Both the receivers and givers will be miked up for an in-performance feed to create the most realistic of environments and in-blow analysis. Apparently there will be at least 10 cameras rolling, shooting from various angles. Plus, that sweet wire camera they use on SNF will be hovering around above.
"It's like A-Rod is creepin in your very own bedroom, looking for the other side of the pillow! Don't be a Fellator Hater! Booyah!"
This is hardly a reach for a network that hashes such inane coverage of the sporting world, they have become a day long, recycled parity of themselves. Sticking with only what they think we as consumers want to watch has ESPN narrowed it's coverage to the Yankees, Red Sox, Patriots, Cowboys and Spurs.
"We're like a Top 40 countdown that only plays 5 songs baby! Don't hate! Booyah! Glass Eye!" Said Scott, longtime ESPNer.
The Heads (ehem) of ESPN conjured this sexually explicit show to spice up their stale format. Apparently sitting outside of T.O.'s or Joe Torre's house, rummaging through their garbage just isn't enough.
"Let's face it, it's not really about who wins, but who we want to blow. A-Rod, Joe Torre, the whole Yankees organization, Tony Romo, Kobe, Randy Moss, those are the type of guys we want in our mouths." Said Patrick McJuggins, PR guy at ESPN.
For the next couple of weeks, The FEDEX ' Rugburn Challenge' will feature mostly players from the New York Yankees. After getting their asses handed to them by a team with a better regular season record, better bullpen, better starting pitching and more heart then a race horse but doesn't actually exist, the Yankees were quick to jump on the blowing board.
"The other team didn't win, we just lost. The umpire, those bugs, the lighting was a little off and the weather was too hot. These things add up. I didn't sleep very well, and we have a collective allergy problem. It wasn't them. It wasn't them that beat us. I want a bj." Said Roger 'Cortizone' Clemens
A-Rod, or Mr. UnOctober, will start the series off as stated with Stuart Scott giving him head. Derek Jeter will be featured the following week, with guest giver Johnny Damon performing a nice hello to his fellow teammate.
Bobby Abreu was asked to join in on the fun, but was arrested last week at the Copacabana in NYC. Apparently Abreu is being accused of abrasive gaming, 'looking too cocky' and slipping mickeys into the buffet table.
Asked if he thought ESPN might be going waaaay too far with the new segment, Patrick McJuggins gave an adamant no.
"No! No way! What a stupid question. It's not like we're going to play with their balls or anything."
Because that would be uncalled for.