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Cow Patties: The Blog

Steve Sirk lobs more "Cow Patties From Columbus" after settling on a decades-old Spaceballs joke as a blog title.

MLS Needs A Smaller Commissioner

What's the fun in drafting in a 6'5", 220-lb, center back when the commish is a healthy 6'2"?

                                                           78615714ML018_MLS DRAFT                             

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In last week's MLS draft, the Columbus Crew selected a large fellow named Andy Iro with the #6 overall pick. He's a slightly lighter Joe Jurevicius; a much heavier Larry Hughes; a big dude who's pretty much the same size as Fausto Carmona and Rick Nash. Yet MLS Commissioner Don Garber creates the illusion that Iro is a marginally-above-average-sized guy.

If Garber were sufficiently Hobbit-like, we could have been treated to one of those classic draft-day photos that the NBA specializes in....

oden stern 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But instead of wishing that MLS had a nebbish lawn-gnome of a commissioner on draft day, I should consider that the nebbish lawn-gnome would also be the commissioner the other 364 days of the year, and that hasn't worked out well for the forgotten National Hockey League...

...no matter how funny it is to see elfin league-ruiner Gary Bettman posing on draft day with Anaheim Ducks first-round selection Snoop Doggy Dogg.

 

snoop bettman

 

("If ratings don't improve on Versus, maybe this black guy can help us land a national TV deal on BET! We can call the playoffs the Def Stanley Jam! Man, black people are so cool! And scary. But remember, they're just as afraid of you as you are of them, so keep smiling.") -- Gary Bettman, to himself, as this photo was taken.

Published Jan 29 2008, 09:54 PM by Sirk
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Comments

 

johntaylor said:

Snoop in a hockey sweater?  What's next, Toby Keith in #24 DuPont gear?

And soccer doesn't need a smaller commissioner, they need a Bettman.  

Sure, he'd be a serial league killer, but at least his latest would be justifiable.  And righteous.

January 30, 2008 1:02 AM
 

barrymcbride said:

Let the soccer hate flow!

They don't even use their HANDS. Wussies.

January 30, 2008 8:25 AM
 

willgp19 said:

this is a stupid blog

February 4, 2008 11:52 AM
 

Fake Sigi said:

I nominate Otto Orf.

February 19, 2008 11:38 PM

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About Sirk

Steve Sirk is an utter moron who has Cosmo Kramered his way into many big league press boxes over the years. He has covered the Columbus Crew of Major League Soccer for the past decade, spent three years covering the NHL's Columbus Blue Jackets, and has even landed a few assignments at Jacobs Field. He was persuaded by OBR bossman Barry McBride to write the decidedly un-journalistic "Cow Patties From Columbus" column for the Orange & Brown Report, which has now expanded to include "Cow Patties: The Blog."
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