Down here in Columbus, I have daily television access to both the Indians and the Reds. I pretty much have my choice-- Victor Martinez's home run drought...or Ken Griffey Junior's home run drought? Asdrubal Cabrera's highlight reel defense...or Brandon Phillips' highlight reel defense when he finds the time between, like, getting actual hits and stuff? Eric Wedge's facial tics....or Dusty Baker treating mini toothpicks in the manner of a drunk chick tying a cherry stem with her tongue?
Of course, I mostly watch the Tribe. That's why I have been so irritable lately. But after last night's shocking score-nine-runs-(really-eleven-runs)-and-still-lose performance from the Indians, I flipped over to the Reds game and saw young hotshot Edinson Volquez get more Padre whiffs than San Diego's clubhouse laundry jockey.
As I watched Volquez, with his preposterously flat-brimmed hat and thick gold chain large enough to lasso a calf, it occurred to me that for the first time in ages, C.C. Sabathia has a true challenger for the title of The Most Ridiculous Pitcher Fashion In Ohio.
Let's take a look...
The Defending Champion-- Carsten Charles Sabathia (Cleveland Indians)
The hallmark of Sabathia's championship run has been his crooked cap, which always veers about 30 degrees off to the right. When combined with his baggy pajama-bottom pants, it has been an almost unbeatable combination.
The Challenger-- Edinson Volquez (Cincinnati Reds)
Not only has Volquez been Sabathia-like in his dominating performances and impressive strikeout rates, but he is also challenging Sabathia for the title of The Most Ridiculous Pitcher Fashion In Ohio. During his hot streak, Volquez has taken to wearing his hat with no bend whatsoever. The bill of his cap is EKG-of-a-corpse flat. And that gold chain...my oh my is it impressive. In a pinch, that thing can be tied around the hitch on Adam Dunn's pick-up truck the next time a drunk Bengal needs his car pulled out of a ditch.
Who deserves the 2008 title for Most Ridiculous Pitcher Fashion In Ohio?
To me, the race is too close to call. I need a ruling from readers. Please vote in the comment section.