Browns Harness New Technology by Putting a Harness on Old Technology
April 6, 2008
Browns Announce New Quarterback Cam
Palm Beach, Florida (tdc News wire)
Reports from the NFL Owners Meetings in Palm Beach have been slowly leaking out. Rumors have surfaced that explain the Browns decision to retain two quarterbacks this year. It has been confirmed by otherwise impeachable sources that the Browns plan to deploy the new Quarterback Cam.
Simply put, the new technology allows the Browns to suspend the rookie quarterback Brady Quinn on a computer driven wire supported pulley system similar to the technology currently being used for "Skycam" views above live games.
This new technology, Will now be known as the "BradyCam".
The rookie quarterback will be exposed to the live action of each play suspended six to ten feet above the playing field. While avoiding a penalty for too many players on the field, this new technology will allow the rookie to gain real game experience up close.
"Yes sir, It lets us fly Brady right over the play and lets him get an up-close and personal view of each play on the field." said Sal Tesla the Browns new VP for Technology and Pulley Systems. "He is going to be right on top of the action snot-bubbles and all."
"This is going to be a great advance even if we haven't worked out all of the bugs."
What Sal was referring to were the obvious drawbacks to this new system they include the following issues:
Adding 250 lbs to the existing camera assemblies cause the wires to sag and slow the camera movement. And how do you keep his feet out of the camera's field of view?
Once mounted in the harness, the occupant must stay suspended for the whole game.
Should you operate the system during bad weather?
And there is also that indelicate question they never ask the astronauts, How does he go the bathroom?
The FAA has expressed concern over conflicts with ceremonial flybys.
Will the occupant be considered an obstacle under the Ground Rules or will Phil Dawson have a new target from which to bounce balls through the goal posts?
When contacted for comment, representative on other teams in the AFC North responded with these anonymous statements:
Baltimore: "Brian Billick would still be here today if he had come up with this"
Cincinnati: "While we think this is totally unfair, our punters are planning on puttin a few kicks in his face"
Pittsburgh: "Honey, get Bubby Brister on the phone, I got the perfect position for him."
For those of you who suspect this is a joke, it was published on April 6th, so that makes it legitimate, right?
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